Randomization
by Kohaku Rayn
Summary: A crazy game show, basically just a random bashing of everybody!


This game show is based upon both the Japanese and English versions of Yu-Gi-Oh, so some of the names are different, get used to it.

Disclaimer: No, I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or Yu-Yu-Hakusho. If I did, do you think I'd be wasting my time here? No, I'd have some new love slaves, eliminate Tea, you know, stuff fans would love to do to the show. Anyways, here we go!

Akira: "Hello! Welcome to the game show Randomization! Today we are featuring Yu-Gi-Oh and Yu-Yu-Hakusho in our insanity! I'm your host, Akira Rayn! Our contestants will do everything from answering trivia questions to playing charades, and any other wacky stuff we can think of! Now let's meet our contestants! For Yu-Yu-Hakusho we have Hiei, Botan, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Yusuke! For Yu-Gi-Oh we have Seto, Pegasus, Yami, Joey, and Tea!" drops professional manner "What! Who chose these characters? I would like to know who is behind the plot to allow Tea onto my game show!"

Suki (backstage): laughs evilly

Akira: "Anyway, I suppose we'd better get to the games, huh?"

Contestants walk onstage, Tea blissfully ignorant of being insulted

Akira: "So. First comes the trivia. Yusuke, what millennium item did Pegasus possess?"

Pegasus: shoots Yusuke a "seductive" look

Yusuke: goes green "He had a...a...mil...millennium...eye." vomits

Akira: "Someone get water! Quickly!"

Assistant: walks onstage w/a glass of water

Tea: follows assistant w/mouthwash and fluttering eyelashes

Akira: disgusted "Sit down, Tea. This isn't The World's Dumbest Bimboes!"

Tea:"Hey! I was on that show!" sits to unsurprised looks on everyone's faces

Akira: "Alright, enough of that. Back to Randomization. So, Joey, what is Kurama's animal form?"

Joey: scratches head "Um..." scratches head again "Uhhh..." scratches head for another two minutes "Um, a hippo?"

A/N: I love you, Joey! All you Joey fan girls stay back, he's mine!

Akira: "Sorry, he's a godfox, or a Kitsune. No points for that answer."

Yusuke: "Hey, I didn't get any points for my answer!"

Akira: "Does it look like I have point...register...machine...thingies? I just said that because it makes me sound more professional."

Yusuke: -.-'

Akira: "Okay, now back to the game. So, what is Yami Malik's name? Botan?"

Botan: "Oh, that's Marik. That wasn't too hard."

Akira:"No kidding. Now, Yami, who is Botan? What is her role in the Yu-Yu-Hakusho universe?"

Yami: "Botan. Oh, yeah, she's the Goddess of Death."

Akira:"Not exactly, but I'll give you that one. Hm...okay, Kuwabara, what school does the Yu-Gi-Oh gang attend?"

Kuwabara:"Uh, W.F. West?"

Akira:"Incorrect, they attend Domino High School."

Kuwabara:"Yeah, I knew that! I was just seeing if you know it."

Akira:"I'm sure you were, Kuwabara. So, Pegasus, what weapon does Kurama possess?"

Pegasus:"That's easy. He has a long rod." winks Kurama

Kurama:pales

Akira:o.O "Actually, he has a rose whip."

Pegasus:"Oops, I must've been thinking of something else." winks again

Kurama:pales some more

Akira:"No...Evil!" shudders uncontrollably "Alright, now that that's over with, I will ask another question. This one's for Hiei. Hiei, who is Malik's bodyguard?"

Hiei:"That's Rashid."

Akira:"Good, we have some people...er...demons on this show who don't make sexual innuendos all the time."

Hiei:"Well, after last night," wink "I don't think innuendos are necessary."

Akira:makes eyes Hiei "Anyway, on the subject of the game show, my next question is for Seto. What weapon does Yusuke have?"

Seto:"I believe he has the spirit gun. He may not have the intelligence to utilize it, but that's his weapon."

Yusuke:glare

Akira:"Well, we won't go into Yusuke's intelligence, or lack thereof, right now."

Yusuke:glares harder

Akira:"So, next question. Kurama, for whom did Yugi and his gang journey to the Duelist Kingdom?"

Kurama:"Well, since Pegasus had captured his grandfather, Yugi and the gang went to the Duelist Kingdom to rescue Grandpa Motou."

Akira:"Wow. That's the most intelligent, thought-out answer I've heard so far."

Hiei:"Well, you didn't expect him to say, 'uh, a hippo' did you?"

Joey:glares harder than Yusuke

Yusuke:continues glaring

Akira:"Now, now, that wasn't nice, Hiei. So, let's see. Ah, Tea. Something simple enough for Tea. Um...uh...hmm...Oh, here we go, who did Hiei kidnap in the earlier episodes of Yu-Yu-Hakusho?"

Tea:"Oh, I saw that episode! Hiei kidnapped Julia Roberts!"

Everyone:anime fall

Green penguins come flying out of nowhere and bombard the pretty little ballerina.

Akira:"Oops, I made the mistake of overestimating Tea's intelligence. Again."

Tea:"Okay, I'm not sure what that means, but I would like to know why everybody always says that to me."

Akira:"It's because it's so easy to overestimate your intelligence, Tea."

Tea:"Ok, that's fine then."

Everyone: -.-'

Akira:"On another note, the game is taking another turn. Now we are moving onto Truth or Dare." sarcastically "Won't that be fun?"

Tea:"Yay, I love this game!"

Akira:"Now, why doesn't that surprise me?"

Tea:stares into space while yellow beetles gnaw on her hair

Akira:"Anyway, each person needs to partner up with someone on the opposite team to begin the game. So, go ahead, partner up."

Everyone rushes forward in a desperate attempt not to get stuck with Tea or Pegasus.

Kuwabara:"What! Why am I stuck with Tea?"

Hiei:"You think you can complain? I'm stuck with Pegasus."

Pegasus:"What's wrong, Hiei-boy? I'm sure we'll make a great team." sidles up next to Hiei

Hiei:"Get away from me, you bast-" falls forward

Kurama:hides rose whip behind back

Akira:"Kurama, what did you do that for?"

Kurama:"He used bad language in front of ladies."

Akira:"Kurama, this is Randomization, do you see any ladies present?"

Kurama:shrugs

Akira:"Anyway, Yami, Yusuke, you two start."

Yami:grins wickedly "Truth or Dare?"

Yusuke:bravely "Dare."

Yami:"I dare you to kiss Tea!"

Everyone:O.O

Tea:.

Yusuke:goes green again and drags himself to Tea, and pecks her on the cheek

Tea:pretends to be indignant "Yami, how could you do such a thing to me? I thought you were my friend. How could you?" eyes tear up

A live monkey flies out of nowhere and hits Tea on the back of the head

Tea:x.x

Monkey:panics and flees from the obnoxious Tea-monster

Yusuke:snarling "Truth or Dare?"

Yami:"Dare."

Yusuke:"I dare you to confess your desire for Kaiba."

Everyone:o.O

Yami:walks over to Kaiba, red-faced "iwanu."

Yusuke:"I can't hear you, Yami."

Yami:glare "I WANT YOU, KAIBA!"

Everyone: bursts out laughing

Akira:"Well, that was interesting. So, I think it's Botan and Seto's turn, now."

Botan:"Truth or Dare?"

Seto:"Truth."

Botan:"Have you ever had sexual relations with Yami?"

Seto:O.O "Never in my natural life!"

Botan:"Oh, so you've had kinky ghost sex, though!"

Seto:glare

Botan:.

Seto:still glaring "Truth or Dare?"

Botan:warily "Truth."

Seto:"What is your natural hair color?"

Botan:thinks for a minute "I'm not sure. Maybe...uh...hmm..I think it might be red."

Akira:"That's okay, Botan. At least you're not a blonde!"

Botan:"Oh yeah! That's my real hair color. Dirty blonde!"

Akira:anime fall "So, Tea, Kuwabara, you're up next."

Tea:"Truth or Dare?"

Kuwabara:"Dare."

Tea:"I dare you to kiss Pegasus."

Kuwabara:"WHAT!"

**CENSORED FOR TRAUMATIZING CONTENT**

Everyone:turns green

Akira:"Tea, I'm going to get a restraining order against you, you stupid b&#!."

Tea:stares in awe as a fly walks up her arm

Kuwabara:revived "Truth or Dare?"

Tea:"Truth."

Kuwabara:"Is that your real nose?"

Tea:"Of...of course it is."

loud buzzing

Akira:"Oh, I forgot to mention something. When you lie, the lie detector goes off, and you lose points for your team."

Tea:pouts

Akira:"Pathetic. Joey, Kurama,you guys take over."

Joey:"Truth or Dare?"

Kurama:"Dare."

Joey:"I dare you to kiss one girl in the audience! Mwahahaha!"

girls in audience jump up and down wildly

Kurama:o.O approaches one girl and pecks her lips

Girl:grabs Kurama and shoves her lips to his

Kurama:backs away in a panic

Disappointed Kurama fangirls sit back down and glare at the girl Kurama chose

Kurama:"Tr...Tru...Truth or Dare?"

Joey:"Truth."

Kurama:"What's the grossest thing you've ever eaten?"

Joey:thinks for about two minutes "Health food. It was so nasty, I could only eat five plates of it."

Everyone:anime fall

Akira:"Ok. Hiei, you and Pegasus go next."

Hiei:"Truth or Dare?"

Pegasus:"Dare." winks

Hiei:"I dare you to kiss Botan! Ha!"

Pegasus:"What!"

Hiei:"Yep, that's right. Botan. A WOMAN!"

Pegasus:shuffles over to Botan and pecks her on the cheek

Botan:clubs Pegasus on the back of the head "No! What have I done to deserve such torture! I'll wash, but I'll never be clean! Curse you, Hiei!" clubs Hiei

Pegasus:"Truth or Dare, Hiei-boy?"

Hiei:rubs head "Truth."

Pegasus:disappointed "How long is it?"

Hiei:o.O "How long is what!"

Akira:"Don't make him spell it out, Hiei, no one wants to hear that. What do you think he means?"

Hiei:nervous "Right...erm...seven...uh...seven inches."

Buzzer

A girl in the audience stands up and yells "Liar! It's really only three and a quarter inches!"

A/N:I know, I know, I'm so mean to him. I love Hiei. Especially since last night! Mwahahaha...!

Everyone:O.O

Akira:"No! W.T.M.I! Fantasies... draining...away...mental..images.. everything...going...dark." x.x

A/N: W.T.M.I. stands for Way Too Much Information, just so you know.

Kurama:"I think Akira's world has been shattered."

Akira:"I'm okay! I'll be fine. Let's move on to Who's In The Hat. This game is a guessing game with a cheesy name. Someone draws a person from the hat, and tries to communicate their character with verbal clues. You cannot, however, come out and say your person's name. Kuwabara, start us off."

Crewmember #1 carries the hat onstage.

Kuwabara:draws a slip of paper "Ok, I'm a man (supposedly). I have greasy hair and I do a lot of stupid stuff that turns out to work by pure luck. Who am I?"

Hiei:"Simple, you're Urameshi."

Yusuke:puts hands together in a gun shape while glaring threateningly

Hiei and Kuwabara:go pale and run offstage

A/N:Hiei, obviously not really a coward, leaped on the excuse to get away from me. He's not scared of Yusuke, he's scared of me. Refer to previous author's note for the reason why.

Akira:"Yusuke..."

Yusuke:"What? I was only stretching my hands." folds fingers and stretches hands out

Akira:signals two uniformed men at the right of the stage "While we're waiting for Kuwabara and Hiei to rejoin us, Yusuke will go next."

Yusuke:draws "Alright. I am very evil. I dueled Yami through a mindslave, and I will never, ever, defeat Yami and his friends."

Yami:"Piece of cake. You're Marik."

Marik (in the audience):shoots up angrily "You're wrong! I _will_ defeat Yami! And when I do, I'll tear you limb from limb and hang you from my ceiling! You doubt me now, but I _will_ succeed! With my rod, I will conquer Yami!"

Audience:bursts out laughing

Marik:flushes "I meant this rod!" holds up millennium rod

Guards show up and drag Marik outside shouting expletives.

Akira:"Yami, your turn."

Yami:draws and grins maliciously "I am a loser. I'm a pompous slime of a human being, with serious issues with sexual identity. I love dueling even more than my thong collection, and my favorite card is Blue Eyes White Dragon."

Tea:"I know that one. You're Botan!"

Botan:"Um, Tea, I don't duel."

Akira:"But the thong collection applies to you."

Botan:"You have a problem with that?"

Pegasus:"I know. You're Kaiba-boy. But with a much smaller ass."

Everyone:O.O

Seto:glares Yami

Akira:"Um, alright. Pegasus, it's your turn."

Pegasus:"Oh, goody." draws, then looks disappointed "I take friendships way too seriously, and I flirt constantly with Yugi-boy. I have an empty space between my ears, butter is my worst enemy, and I want to be a pretty little ballerina."

Tea:"Hey, who told you butter is my worst enemy?"

Suddenly, Hiei and Kuwabara are thrust back onstage.

Akira:"Well, Hiei, so kind of you to join us. And you, Kuwabara. Please, take your seats. Hiei shall get his comeuppance later on tonight."

New voice:"Oh, listen to Akira. Doesn't she sound professional?"

Akira:"Oh, no, here she comes."

A 5'6" girl with mint green hair and red eyes saunters onto the stage.

Akira:"Hey, everybody, this is Kamishiro Asuka, the royal pain in my ass."

Asuka:"Watch your language, Akira. Just because you want my man, that's no reason to start swearing. By the way, speaking of my man..." walks over and sits on Yusuke's lap

Akira:rolls eyes "Asuka, you're not making a very good impression."

Asuka:"Are you kidding? I'm marking my territory. What better impression could I ask for?"

Akira:"You interrupted the game show, Asuka."

Tea:"Yeah, I was about to go." glares Asuka for taking Yusuke away "So would you please get off of Yusuke's lap and let us continue?"

Everyone:o.O

Akira:"Whoa, Tea said a three-syllable word. Spooky."

Asuka:"And you can continue with me here. I'm not gonna let you near Yusuke without my supervision, Tea."

Akira:"Whatever. Let's just keep going. Tea, draw."

Tea:"But I don't have a gun."

Akira:"Just grab a piece of paper!"

Tea:draws "I have blonde hair, I eat everything, and Kaiba calls me a dog all the time."

Hiei:"Easy...you're Joey."

Tea:"No, I'm Tea. That's Joey." points Tristan

Everyone:-.-'

Hiei:draws "Alright. I have a sort of revealing outfit, my life revolves around my makeup, my favorite card is Harpie Lady, and I cheat in duels by putting different perfumes on each card."

Botan:"Oh! I know this one! You're Mai, right?"

Mai (in the audience):"Hey! My life does not revolve around my makeup, it revolves around dueling! And I do _not_ cheat!"

Hiei:"Sorry, I don't know much about you. Everything I've heard came from that head of fluff."

Tea:is hit again, this time by a fuzzy pink banana

Fuzzy Pink Banana:bursts into flame in order to leave no evidence

Yami:"Mai, cheating is cheating, no matter how you do it."

Mai:"For your information, I don't do that anymore, Yami!"

Joey:mumbles "Then how did she beat me last night?"

Botan:"Okay. My turn! I am always with Rex Raptor. I am a total jerk obsessed with dueling, and I threw Yugi's Exodia over the side of the ship to the Duelist Kingdom. My secret fantasy is to have a threesome with Rex and Pegasus."

Seto:"You're Weevil."

Weevil (in audience):"That is _not_ my secret fantasy! My secret fantasy is to have a kinky foursome with Rex, Pegasus, and Tea, with insects swarming all over us."

Rex (holding Weevil's hand):"That sounds like fun! Let's do it!"

Pegasus:"Sounds intriguing. Maybe we can replace Tea with Yami-boy, though."

Tea:"Yuck! Bugs! Ew! No bugs. Gross."

Akira:"But you're perfectly okay with the foursome idea, of course."

Tea:eyes light up as she pretends to not like the idea

Everyone:-.-'

Akira:"Moving on. Seto, your turn is being wasted."

Seto:"I'm an obnoxious little demon."

Kurama:"You're Hiei."

Akira:"Well, that was fast. Asuka, take your tongue out of Yusuke's mouth!"

Asuka:"No! I don't want to!"

Akira:"This is a public place, Asuka!"

Asuka:"Fine, then!" drags Yusuke offstage

Akira:"Asuka, you pain in the ass!"

Asuka:"Can't talk! Busy!"

Akira:-.-' "Kurama, you're next."

Kurama:"Alright. I have blonde hair, and my brother dueled to raise money for my eye surgery."

Joey:"You're my sister, Serenity!"

Akira:"It'd be pretty bad if he missed that one!"

Joey:glare "What do you think I am, stupid?"

Akira:"I plead the fifth."

Joey:"Whatever." draws "Cool. I am the best friend anyone can ever have. My friends are my life, and I'd do anything for any of them."

Tea:"Me!"

Akira:pulls out her katana and decapitates the World's Dumbest Bimbo

Monkeys in disco outfits run onstage and start dancing. Acid rain seeps through the ceiling and scares the monkeys away. Asuka walks back onstage with Yusuke covered in chocolate. Rex, Weevil, and Pegasus start taking turns making out. Purple pumpkins fly out of the air and cream Rex, Weevil, and Pegasus.

Akira:"ENOUGH!"

Joey:"Can anyone guess?"

Audience:shakes heads

Joey:"I'm Yugi Motou."

Audience:"Aaaawwww."

Yugi (in the audience):"Wow, Joey, you must think a lot of me."

Joey:"Of course, Yuge, you're my best friend."

Tristan (in the audience):"I thought I was your best friend."

Akira:"Will everyone shut up for a minute! I have to close the show."

Audience:goes silent

Akira:"Thank you! So, goodbye everyone! This is the only game show I will ever host, so I will never see you again! Goodbye and good riddance!"

Audience:attacks Akira with the dreaded tickle feather

A/N: This is the delightful randomness of my mind! I'm insane and proud of it! Please review my crazy little world! Oh, and for everyone who reads fanfiction just to criticize the characters, there is more to it than that. So if you're gonna flame me, flame my entire story, not just the characters.


End file.
